He’s moody, he’s mean and he’s well on the way to being an embarrassing dad. Meet born-again gangsta Liam Payne – street name: Payno…

Don’t mess with Payno. He’s from the streets. Sure, he got famous by singing a Michael Bublé cover to Louis Walsh, but in the wrong hands Michael Bublé covers can take life, bruv, and he and Bublé know that better than most.

Payno don’t sit on chairs. Payno sits on big, expensive cars. He captioned this post, “The waiting game.” Waiting for someone to turn up with a stepladder so you can get down, yes Payno?

Payno can’t function without his morning coffee, believe. However, we’ve been to Starbucks – those guys don’t spell anything right. You either spent five minutes patiently spelling your street name to a barista, Payno, or you wrote this yourself.

Not that he’s boasting, but Payno wishes you to know that he has a watch that cost more than your nan’s house. His watch is so bling it has three other smaller watches on it. What time is it, Payno? Why, it’s gangsta o’clock.

He’s rough, he’s tough, he leaves his towels on the flippin’ floor, fam. Here’s Payno just chilling out by the bath in a Gucci top. What you reaching for down there Payno? Don’t shoot!

Payno is angry with you and angry with life. What’s wrong, wild-haired bad boy? Is your driver refusing to put Magic FM on like you asked? Sometimes it’s not easy being Payno.

All pictures Instagram/liampayne. Article published in Star, 25 April 2017